Excerpts from Fatima's Journal (Post Regency Ball)
Oh my brother, Kevin's event went very well all in all. I understand that the body count was in the single digits and included no citizens of Argent or invited guests. Not bad. Not bad at all.
I'll have to remember to stroke him -- once he's feeling a little less frazzled and more tolerant of his slower siblings.
It was odd though. Holding myself separate from the 'action' I saw my siblings indulging in around the corners of the room. Not knowing what was going on. Though I suspect from Kei's covering of the buffet tables and the appearance of one of Kevin's sorcerors, that something went briefly wrong with the food.
I'm not sure what Rune was working against. Something revealed in auras most likely as he was studying me with Trump before he collapsed. Whatever it was, he seems to have nullified it before he fell as neither he nor I are showing any ill effects.
Sterling though... oh my brother, I have to smile. And I must not smile in Sterling's face.
Clarissa had a little too much fun at the party and ended up wandering the family wing in a bit of a state. Her mild indiscretion has brought about two wonderful events. (Note -- I must do something nice for Clarissa. In some way that her father won't discover. I suspect that she's in enough trouble as it is, without incurring the favor of the Regent of Argent.)
One, I was able to return her to her father unharmed. Hopefully thus lessening the debt I owe him for your own succor. And two, she slipped right through Sterling's heightened security without a blip. My poor brother was mortified and came the next day to tender his resignation as Head of Castle security.
Ah, there's the smile again.
If Sterling's pride can survive this, I think it will do him a world of good. Not only in learning how to gracefully accept the unforeseen, the accidental, and the shit-happens. But also, I think Sterling would be happier if he were able to forgive others for mis-stepping when confronted by the unforeseen, the accidental and the shit-happens. I pray that I am able to give him the miracle/gift that Kevin gave to me. Self-acceptance.
That is why I'm going to do my best to see that he remains with the Knights of the Silver Rose and in his current position. 'Failure' is never easy to take. Allah! How I know that! But learning to forgive oneself and those around oneself is a vital skill for those who stand to grow as ancient and powerful as we might.
My brother? A thought occurs. I have always seen where I resembled my father. And where the danger lay in that I could become a person like he. This, I think, is perhaps the first time I've noticed that in one of my siblings. It is father's inability to forgive himself that has created the terror that is Argent's nights. I hope that Sterling can learn differently before he creates a similar terror.
I have always felt that the barrier between Sterling and myself was that we were too similar. And this latest thought... seems to bear that out.
Ah, Sterling.
Merlin. You, Kevin, Rune, Kei, Sterling... even Penelope and Wynn. You are all blessings to my heart. When I read father's narratives and see what he and his siblings were like, I am astounded, astonished and blessed to be surrounded by *my* brothers and sisters instead of his.
Kevin who has supported me throughout my entire tenure within Argent. He has given me one of the best gifts of my life and is fond of me even when I'm slow and stupid around him. (That little accident with the Jewel... he didn't say anything. Just bowed and excused himself. Bless him.)
Could he betray me? Of course. Will he? Probably not for a while, I am too useful to him as I am.
Rune... oh my brother! He gave me a present! Rune brought a present to that interminable horrible ball. And not some silly vase or piece of jewelry. He brought something that I loved, that brought laughter to me even in that place.
I know that Kei will never approve. And I will do everything in my power to prevent lion-juggling from becoming a fashion trend in Argent now that it has been seen as something meaningful to the Regent. But still... Rune brought lion jugglers to the party. How very, very sweet of him.
Could he betray me? Certainly. But probably not on purpose. And I forgive him now.
And Kei. Kei did too. I mean, she brought a gift as well. Not lion-jugglers, of course. But drummers. Fantastic drummers from New Kyoto. Such power, such mastery. Kei and I rarely talk. How did she know? My quiet quiet sister, who's voice was the first to support me as Regent.
Could she betray me? Definitely. But I know that she would only do so if it was absolutely necessary.
Sterling. So stiff, so proud, trying so hard but too polite to push. Oh my brother, do you know how often Sterling is right? And yet, it is almost as if he were afraid to speak, afraid to rudely shout down those who are already panicking and flailing. I wonder how often my brother has been right and held his peace while I was panicking and flailing?
The time for silence between Sterling and myself is over. Definitely over.
Could he betray me? Without doubt. And yet somehow I believe enough in the strength of his convictions and the clearness of his vision, that if Sterling felt the need to betray me, I probably had it coming.
And you, sweet Merlin, I... it was hard to see you force yourself so. You are still too pale for my liking and I wish that you had not needed to attend. But I thank you and bless you for doing so. Rest now.
Could you betray me? Absolutely. But there is nothing I can do to prevent that so I refuse to worry about it.
Wynn and Penelope, my separate siblings. I understand. Argent is not for everyone. And I would never force this place on those who cannot love it. So for them, my blessings and may we meet somewhere in Shadow under better stars.
Could they betray me? Yes. But I do not think they would do so in full knowledge of what they were doing.
Blessed. I am blessed in my brothers and sister. Blessed indeed. Thanks be to Allah.
And now I find myself in a strange place. I have become a... Necromancer, I believe is the word.
The Jewel, it is so strange.
When Kevin said that it would give openings and powers in the spirit realm, I must confess I was thinking of something more earthy, more karmic. Something more like what Rune and Kei have been talking about, totems and the like.
But no, he was talking ghosts and shades and things that hang from moldering corpses.
And even more strangely, I seem to be alright with it. I will have to think about that more later.
For now, I need to gain more mastery of the Jewel. Beginning with an understanding of the power exchange between it and its user. Kevin and I were both showing rather alarming side-effects after our last little experiment and I would like see about minimizing those.
Afterward, it strikes me that mastery of the Jewel should imply more than just speaking with the dead. I suspect that that is as far from the Jewel's purpose as controlling the weather is from the purpose of the Jewel of Judgement.
Or perhaps I merely hope it is. As the admittedly small sample of dead that I have spoken to so far have been a confused and cantankerous bunch, prone to violence and characterized by a significant lack of connection to reality. Much like mezz-heads really.
Anyway, I need to gain a greater understanding of this Jewel spawned by my city's Pattern.
Dammit! No files for a year. I've told me that.
I've *got* to put it out of my head.
